Conversations with Headless Friends: Rosa Simonet
Rosa Simonet is a Birmingham-based creative programmer and queer writer with a passion for improving accessibility in the arts. She is also a close friend of mine and one of silliest people I know.
I met Rosa in August 2023 when I joined the creative team at Moseley Road Baths, a historic swimming pool and community space in Birmingham. During our time at the Baths, we worked closely together on Exchange Festival, a weekend-long event which explored what the future of libraries could look like, and spent a rainy Valentine’s Day at a local city farm with a giant inflatable whale called Walter. Over lunch breaks, we would trade film reviews and disastrous dating stories.
We both left Moseley Road Baths in the Spring of this year (the building closed for renovations - we were not fired) but our friendship has continued to thrive outside of those crumbly walls. As Rosa prepared to jet off to South America, we met up on a crisp Autumn day to have a heartwarming conversation about the importance of queer friendships and looking after your mental health while travelling…
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My queer friends are such kind, wonderful people who I can talk about anything with. That is a beautiful thing to have.
Rosa Simonet
Hi Rosa! Let’s kick things off by talking about friendship. Why do you think it is so important to have queer friends?
Most of my closest friends are queer. I don’t think that’s a coincidence but it is more than queerness that brings us together. We are like-minded people with similar interests. My friends are such kind, wonderful people who I can talk about anything with. That is a beautiful thing to have.
As a young person, it can be hard to understand that queerness comes in all shapes and sizes. Society wants queerness to be one set thing and the mainstream media often pushes stereotypes on us. When you first come across someone in real life who is openly identifying as queer, it is easy to think of them as the singular definition of what queerness is. For me, it wasn’t until I was older that - through meeting more people - I realised there are so many definitions of queerness which helped me feel more comfortable in myself.
When I was younger, I also struggled to see where I would fit into the world as a bisexual. My understanding of bisexuality was rooted in the male gaze of bisexual women and their sexualisation and fetishisation. It has taken so much unlearning to get over that. I’m still battling against it and my queer friends play an important role in that process.
Tell me about your travel plans!
I’m going to be travelling around South America for between four to six months. On the 30th of November, I am flying to Santiago in Chile, and then I am getting another flight on the same day to Patagonia. I have booked some stops in Patagonia but apart from that I have no fixed plan which is both terrifying and exciting.
What made you want to go travelling by yourself?
Last year, I went on a little holiday on my own to Serbia and Montenegro and I really, really loved it. I hadn’t been travelling on my own in a long time and I had missed it so much. You are distant from everything and everyone you know when you are solo travelling. While it can be daunting and lonely at times to be so far away from your support network, it is really good to be in a place where nobody knows you. Learning that you are capable of being in a completely new space and meeting lots of new people is a massive confidence boost.
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Learning that you are capable of being in a completely new space and meeting lots of new people is a massive confidence boost.
Rosa Simonet
Why did you choose South America as the destination for your trip?
When I was first planning the trip, I was torn between South America and South Asia. There were a lot of reasons I wanted to visit South Asia. I grew up in Birmingham which has a large South Asian population; I wrote a dissertation about South Asia; I have worked with lots of artists from different areas of South Asia; and my current job as Project Manager at True Form Projects is all about South Asian music.
I had been wrapped up in thoughts about why I should go to South Asia for so long but then I decided that what I needed was something completely different. It was time to change course and go to South America! After I made the decision, I realised that lots of the art I love is from Chile and Argentina. For example, The House of the Spirit by Isabel Allende, one of the best books I have ever read, is set in Chile.
What are you most looking forward to about travelling?
Beautiful scenery. That’s the main attraction in Patagonia. Also, clean air. I have been in Birmingham for so long and am excited to not be in a busy city for a while. The spots I am going to won’t be empty by any means but there won’t be the congestion of a city. Oh and the wildlife too! There is a type of penguin that is indigenous to the area I am going to first which I hope to see.
Is there anything you are nervous about?
My mental health. The first few weeks of my trip are pretty stacked with plans and I am aware that I am going to be around new people a lot which could be quite overwhelming. I am trying to make sure I am staying in each place for three or four nights, rather than just one, to give me time to chill out. I am also doing some farming work which should give me some respite. I’m sure there will be some chatting on the farm but also time spent quietly weeding and chopping which will be good for my head.
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Being able to control scent can remind you to breathe or it can help you get to a happier place if you need to escape.
Rosa Simonet
Speaking of mental health, we have previously discussed the idea of a ‘care plan’ for looking after your mind. Can you tell me more about that concept?
Artist Tom Krasny from Stirring the Sauce told me about the idea of a ‘care plan’ for your mental health. It’s basically three portable, physical objects which make you feel safe and grounded. The objects could be anything - everyone’s care plan is bespoke to them.
For me, I find sensory things help calm me. I like nice lip exfoliators and lip balms. Scented balms are good too. Smell is such an invasive thing. You can choose not to touch something most of the time but you can’t choose not to smell something. Being able to control scent can remind you to breathe or it can help you get to a happier place if you need to escape. A notepad would be part of my care plan too. I take notes on my phone but I think it’s good to have somewhere else to write.
I find it difficult to pick three things for my care plan because I feel like I have all of these little people running around inside my head (that’s why I love the film Inside Out so much), and all of the different emotions need different things at different times. As a person who gets stuck in my head a lot, I know ritualistic things are good for me.
Finally, back to our favourite topic: queerness. Tell me about some queer stories you love…
I love the film But I’m A Cheerleader which we went to see together. It’s a parody of conversion therapy, and it puts that subject in its place. A lot of what they are making a mockery of is not far from the truth.
I recently read Julian, a book by Fleur Pierets about how she and her wife had planned to get married in every country in the world where same-sex marriage was legalised until her wife died suddenly in the middle of the project. It’s a story about her love for her wife but also about grief and loss. It’s very beautiful.
These aren’t specifically queer films but Stand By Me and Close are two movies which I think are important. They are similar in the way they are so anti-toxic-masculinity. They show boys being vulnerable, tender and compassionate towards each other. It’s interesting that, for many cis-men, those qualities are associated with queerness rather than just being a human.
There are not enough queer books and films. Just like our queer friends, queer stories can help us discover where we fit in the world and how we feel about ourselves. We need more of them.
Thank you so much for joining me for a chat Rosa and good luck on your travels!
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