Falling out of love with Instagram
I used to love Instagram. Used to. That feels like forever ago now. The spark is long gone and I’m finding more and more reasons I should leave. The problem is, every time I think of breaking things off (deleting my accounts, or at least, the app) my mind wanders back to a time when I was smitten with the platform. We have so many good memories together. After all, Instagram did lead to one of the biggest changes in my life so far.
So is it time to cut ties for good or is there a way of reshaping the relationship into something worth saving? It’s time to make a decision.
Graduating from art school in 2020, during the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, social media played a much bigger part in our graduation season than any design graduates before us. As visual people, Instagram was where we congregated. The platform became a place for us to exhibit our work, mingle with prospective clients and make friends with fellow graduates. Instagram was where we did the things we would have done in-person during a ‘normal’ year.
Spending more time on social media led me to make lots of new online friends, most notably with Lauren and Liv from Pickle Illustration. We met thanks to a design graduate showcase on Instagram which featured both of our work (Lauren was a fellow 2020 graduate, Liv had graduated the year before). We started following one another, liking each other’s posts and leaving encouraging comments (professionally flirting with one another, essentially). At the time, I was running an interview series (on a blog which is now defunct) where I chatted to fellow pandemic graduates so I invited the Pickles to be my next guests.
To cut a long story short: we instantly hit off, having to restart our Zoom call because we ran out of time but wanted to keep chatting; they visited Edinburgh on holiday and I came through from Glasgow (where I lived at the time) for a day of botanic gardens visiting, Aperol Spritz drinking and pizza eating; they invited me to come and stay with them in Birmingham; I ended up visiting several more times (in between trips around the UK together) and decided I wanted to live in Britain’s second-biggest city; I moved to Birmingham the Autumn of 2023 and it’s where I still live today.
I don’t think I would have ended up living in Birmingham if I hadn’t met Lauren and Liv. And I probably wouldn’t have met them if Instagram didn’t exist.
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It sounds so cliché but Instagram was never primarily a business tool for me; it was a place for building community.
Greg McIndoe
While they haven’t all led to big changes in my life, I have countless stories like this but on a smaller scale. Little interactions have lifted my spirits. It sounds so cliché but Instagram was never primarily a business tool for me; it was a place for building community. When I was first breaking into the industry while stuck in isolation during lockdown, it provided a sense of camaraderie that motivated me to keep making things. It was all so sweet and romantic back then (although I admit, I may be looking back with rose-tinted glasses).
When I moved to Birmingham, my feelings towards Instagram began to change. I took a break from freelancing which meant I no longer felt pressured to post online about what I was working on - so I didn’t post at all. I intended to keep sharing updates but life got in the way. Months passed and as my real life went from strength to strength, my online presence faded away. I kept waiting to miss posting on Instagram but the feeling never came.
When I returned to freelancing and relaunched Headless Greg in the Summer of 2024, I forced myself to start posting again. I archived all of my old posts in the hope that a blank profile would feel like a fresh start. It didn’t. I hoped that the spark would still be there. It was not. I didn’t love Instagram any more and I couldn’t quite work out why. Had I changed or had the app? Was this an it’s not you, it’s me situation? Or were they entirely to blame? I think it is a bit of both.
I have changed. I feel more settled and secure than that newly-graduated illustrator was and I don’t yearn for the validation of strangers on the internet (quite as much). I know a little more about myself now. I know that I don’t like how social media encourages us to compete with and ‘influence’ one another. I don’t like how it persuades us that we must prove that our work and art and life are better than someone else’s through the high shine of our photos. If making other people feel bad is the aim of the game then I don’t want to play.
It’s not all on me though. Instagram has changed too. Its personality is untrustworthy; the algorithm changes so often that you never know what it wants or who it likes. The one thing you can rely on is that it will try and sell you anything that isn’t nailed down. It will always choose advertising over art.
And then, of course, there are the diabolical, right-wing hooligans behind the app. Recent announcements have shown their political true colours and they are ugly, to say the least. The policy changes to do with censorship are the most abhorrent. I can’t help but question why I am continuing to use an app run by people who think it is okay for someone to call me mentally ill due to my sexuality.
I don’t want to single out Instagram. I’ve had dalliances with many other platforms over the years but sooner or later you realise that, in one way or another, they are all just as bad as each other.
No other platform has managed to keep my attention or loyalty for quite as long. Tiktok is fun if a little vapid but far too young for me. LinkedIn is well-meaning but too formal and just a bit dull. I haven’t seen Twitter in years. I hear they’ve got a new name but the same complete lack of morals. Threads I am more familiar with. It’s like Twitter’s more pleasant but less popular twin. It’s completely unoriginal and far less popular than its bigoted big brother.
Pinterest doesn’t count as a social media app in my opinion because it isn’t sociable but if it did, it would be my favourite. Don’t speak to me - I just want to look at pretty pictures.
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We’re gradually shifting away from “renting” our audience on third-party platforms and moving toward building our own spaces.
Katy Cowan
With all this said, the only sensible conclusion seems to be to break up with Instagram - and all the other social media apps, for that matter. However, as a small business owner, having no presence at all on social media sounds far from sensible. And why should I have to give up my corner of a platform just because it’s owned by idiots?
I’ve had countless conversations recently about the ick I’m developing. It was reassuring to hear other people feel equally torn over whether to continue maintaining their digital footprint. No one seemed to have come up with a solution. Then I read this article by Katy Cowan, which says:
“We’re gradually shifting away from “renting” our audience on third-party platforms and moving toward building our own spaces. Whether it’s through a newsletter, podcast, magazine, or a private online community, we’re investing in assets we own and control. It’s insurance for the future - and I’m genuinely excited about where it’s heading. And at some point, we’ll leave these networks for good.”
I loved this way of looking at things: seeing social media as rented and websites as owned. I like the idea of putting energy and time and passion into something I truly care about, like Headless Friends, but still sharing it on platforms I rent a small corner of. Perhaps the answer to my quandary about social media isn’t so drastic. It doesn’t need to be a dramatic break-up. We could simply reconfigure our relationship.
I’m cautious that this may read a little non-committal. I don’t want to sound like that friend who slags off their partner but insists on staying in the relationship. The situation is more complicated than that though (they always are). It’s not as simple as leaving or stay, it’s about where I am prioritising my energy. As long as I am dedicating more time and energy to forms of networking and personal projects which spark joy, I don’t think I have to go off-grid quite yet. If you have your priorities straight, it’s okay to stay friends with the ex.